Introspection

Nothing like 2 conversations with 2 good friends over 2 days to get you into a contemplative mood, and to destroy your motivation to study for the test tomorrow.

It has been a week of relection, somehow most of the conversations I've had the past week have been about lessons learnt and perspectives gained in life; about how life is, and how we'd like it to be. Kind of like a review on the first principles of life, the universe and everything.

X says:

thought that in uni and all that i won't meet this kinda characters... uni was pretty pleasant until he came along!

X says:

*yawn*

tim says:

it takes all sorts lah

tim says:

no such thing as " i thought i wouldn't meet this kind of people"

tim says:

there will always be this kind of people

X says:

true...

X says:

reality bites...

tim says:

yeah

tim says:

tell me abt it

tim says:

over here also got the kanjeong spider, everything also must write down types

X says:

how's your day?

X says:

serious ar!

tim says:

haha

tim says:

yes

X says:

wow...

tim says:

my day was ok though

X says:

thought they were pretty slack about studying

tim says:

not in mcgill at least

tim says:

it actually feels a bit like jc to be honest

tim says:

it's just that i've learn how to not let it bother me

X says:

same here

X says:

everyone's very very competitive here

X says:

a bit unpleasant sometimes, but i'm just happy cos i know what i want out of this whole uni thing..

tim says:

yeah

tim says:

it's the same everywhere lah

X says:

except for today cos of the project =) heh..

tim says:

but as u said, u need to know what u want out of the whole uni thing

X says:

gonna sleep it off, and tm's a brand new day =)

tim says:

yeah

X says:

i think it's something that's important to learn...

tim says:

true

tim says:

very true

X says:

if not you'll just be irritated, obsessively competitive and discontented your whole life

tim says:

the grades are important, but u reakky should be focusing on developing your thinking and stuff like that

tim says:

really i mean

X says:

yeah... how old are your classmates there?

tim says:

anywhere between 17-20\

tim says:

most are 18-19

X says:

that's quite young...

tim says:

yes

X says:

mature?

tim says:

not as mature as me

tim says:

haha

tim says:

that sounds damn arrogant

tim says:

but, aiyah, different background, different age, different experiences, so not too surprising lah

tim says:

some more we have to do NS

tim says:

at least not everyone is like that though

tim says:

there's this mexican guy i know, only 19, but he's pretty mature

X says:

true...i think NS was a good thing

tim says:

yes

X says:

Now, being thrown back into the company of 19 yr old girls can be quite disconcerting...

tim says:

haha

tim says:

actually NS can be a good or a bad thing lah

X says:

bordering on mildly disturbing even...

tim says:

depends on the persono

X says:

that's true too

tim says:

like i realise that i draw a lot of lessons from my NS, but i also realise that not everyone does

X says:

yup... that's cos you went into it with a good attitude

X says:

making the best out of a bad situation at least

tim says:

no so much a god attitude, but yeah

tim says:

the most out of a bad situation thing is right

X says:

as opposed to just passing time... its good

tim says:

yah, but to benefit from NS u had want to make the most out of it lah

X says:

not many do though...

X says:

anyway...i'm finally done!!!! =)))

tim says:

that's also true

tim says:

haha

tim says:

good lor

X says:

would u do it all over again if you had the chance?

X says:

NS, i mean

tim says:

if i had the chance or if i had the choice?

tim says:

different leh

tim says:

knowing what i got out of it, and looking at where i am now, i would say yes, i would want to do it again

tim says:

but if i didn't know how i'd turn out, i wouldn't be so sure

tim says:

it wasn't something that i wanted to do

X says:

yup...

X says:

learnt a lot of lesson and grown up quite a bit...

X says:

but most of them through painful experiences...

tim says:

true

X says:

anyway, i better go sleep... 8am class'll be a killer

tim says:

that's why i wouldn't be so sure, but, then again, sometimes u need to have painful experiences to learn things

X says:

yup...

tim says:

i think at the end of the day i'm just glad that i turned out better for it lah

X says:

yup...me too

tim says:

nevermind whether i enjoyed it or not, or whether i wanted to do it, or whether i would do it again if i was given the chance

X says:

i know you'll make the right choices!

tim says:

hahaha

X says:

and if you don't..well

tim says:

but what is the right choice?

X says:

life goes on =)

tim says:

is there ever such a thing as a right choice?

tim says:

i don't really agree with the concept of right and wrong choices

X says:

really?

X says:

maybe not for everything lar...

tim says:

we make choices

tim says:

and when u look back on them, ur judgement on whether they were right or wrong depends on what u made of your choice

tim says:

so logically, if make the most out of your choices, they will always be the "right" choice

tim says:

and u never know what would have happened if u chose to do something else.

tim says:

it might have been better, but it just as well could have been worse

X says:

hmmm....

X says:

that's an interesting way to look at it...

X says:

=)

The majority of my conversations this week went along lines like these, and to be honest, I do miss conversations like these that I used to have late into the night. A bit of introspection does us good once in a while.

The harsh reality of life, however, reminds me that I have a test to prepare for, so it's back to the books now.

A little out of focus please

Sometimes we get so caught up in the here and now that we forget how we even got here in the first place. Focus gives one a good sense of direction, but just like in pictures, it tends to make you neglect what is right behind the object - the background to everything.

Lately I think have been too caught up in everything. A weekend spent doing mostly nothing has made that clear to me. I did little, and yet I enjoyed myself thoroughly. A walk up to Mount Royal last night helped a great deal too.

It is only the 3rd week of school, and I am already obsessing over recommended deadlines, and not mandatory ones. This despite the fact that the recommended deadlines can't really be met because our lecturer is going slowly. I am worried about entering my answers online, just because I "only" have 4 tries a question, and what if I can't get the answer right?

My friends over here have all remarked at how hard I work now, compared to when I was in JC, where I basically did no homework whatsoever in my first year, and I usually tell them about how I've become more responsible and mature now.

Have I really? Is it mature to worry about getting the answers right, when you should really be concerned about how you actually arrived at one? It's not the grades that matter, but the learning that goes on that does. In sharpening my focus, I have neglected that.

It doesn't matter if you get less than 100% on tests and assignments, what is important is that you learn, and that you'll be willing to try again the next time tests and assignments come along. Being a kan cheong spider is taxing and unproductive, and it saps you of your energy. That was why told myself that I wouldn't be one, and why I should remind myself that I don't want to become one.

A friend told me that in JC, unlike others around me, I seemed to have a big picture view on things, and that that was a good thing. I think it is, and so it is time to re-learn the lessons, concepts and principles that I tried to tell others about.

I'd rather see the world a little out of focus, with things blurry in places. It might not be as sharp, but at least I get to see everything. Better that than seeing a couple of things clearly, and missing out on everything and everyone else that is acutally right there, just behind the objects that hold our attention.

I so should not be writing this at this hour now, but what the heck - having already wasted an entire weekend, what's a couple more hours right? I'll still try to keep this one short though - I need sleep for tomorrow.

Went to catch Russel Peters on Saturday, at the Place-des-Arts, and he was really quite funny. Having seen his clips before, I wasn't sure I was going to enjoy watching him as I thought he was ok-funny, but not really all that great. It turns out he is actually really quite funny. His show lasted somewhere around an hour, and he was really warmed up towards the middle of it, when he was hitting all the right notes with the audience. He struggled a little towards the last 10 minutes, but when he came back for his encore, he was pretty funny again. All in all, it was worth the ticket price, and my friends and I left with aching jaws.

The words are starting to fail me, and the brain is no longer active, so this is the end for now.