377A

Put aside the debate about whether homosexuality is "right" or "wrong", of whether or not is is "unnatural". Should the government really have jurisdiction of what happens between 2 consenting adults?

This shouldn't be about whether or not we are "too conservative" to endorse homosexuality. I'm pretty sure in our "conservative society" adultery is frowned upon, and yet that isn't illegal is it? Or what of premarital sex? That's morally wrong too isn't it? Does our "conservative majority" disapprove? Probably. Is it illegal? No.

So just because extra-marital and premarital sex are legal, does it mean that we're somehow approving such behaviour? If we are, then shouldn't those laws be changed to reflect societal norms?

Maybe it is a lifestyle choice. Maybe its inborn. But that's besides the point. The state shouldn't be dictating what goes on between 2 adults. It's that simple. Repealing 377A is not going to rip apart the fabric of our society. It's probably already happening regardless of what the law says. And it's probably not very enforceable anyway. Unless the police are spying on every single gay couple in the country and monitoring their every move. So repealing it isn't going to suddenly encourage hordes of gay people to start having sex in public.

And don't bring religion into it. We're supposed to be a secular country, so I don't see why religious views should be taken into account when the state is making decisions.

The bottom line is that the state has no business denying 2 consenting individuals their rights when no one gets hurt.

A la fin

When things have fallen apart, all that is left to do is to pick up the pieces and move on.

NB

To the bus driver who flipped me off today, even after I made it to the second bus stop before your bloody bus did, despite your best efforts, and after you refused to stop at the first stop:

I HOPE YOU GET STRUCK BY LIGHTNING TOMORROW AND GO TO BUS-DRIVER HELL.

Failing which, I hope you get sacked. If you don't want to pick people up, don't be a f^&king bus driver. Worse than that, you and your unions are f^&king lazy - demanding 2% pay increases every year despite already earning $21 an hour, or about $50k per year.

If you people bloody did your job, maybe I would be just a tad sympathetic, but when you are lazy, inefficient, and already ridiculously well paid, go fly kite understand?. Preferably a big, big kite that will lift you into the sky and then send you crashing back to earth so that you can go to bus-driver hell.

Yes, I'm pissed. But not stopping for me twice, and then flipping me off, on a day when I have to get to school for a test does not exactly put me in the best of moods.

To the above mentioned driver: I sincerely hope one day you will find your ass so firmly glued to your driver's seat that you will have no choice but to become part of the bus.

In the meantime, I hope that your right to strike gets revoked because you are providing an essential service, and while you sit on your well paid fat asses, the poorer people among us have to suffer the consequences of your greed. First by spending more on transport because you're too lazy to do your job, and secondly because my f^&king fares are going to increase again to pay for your already over-sized pay checks. I don't see why millions of people should have to bear the costs of the greed of the few thousand of you.

So f^&k you and your unions.

I'm glad I walk to McGill every day during the regular semesters instead of paying for your disgusting greed.

Note 2 self

The silence is immediate and deafening.

Out in the cold and in the dark, hanging by a thread, I search for answers as to why things are the way they are now. I know they will not be found, for they are not mine to give, but for some reason I try anyway, as if maybe it's all my fault after all and I should be the one to make it right.

And now I'm re-evaluating everything, because this has led me to wonder how much I really mean to all the people I know. Do I mean as much to them as they do to me? What are the dynamics of these relationships? With whom does the balance of power lie?

Should I really be so pragmatic and mercenary? I used to think not, but maybe, that was my mistake. Because really, we always expect something from our friends in return don't we? It might not be much, but that expectation still exists.

No expectations, no disappointments. That's so easy to say but the truth is, if you search yourself hard enough, you'll find that you do have expectations anyway. And it is when you feel that these expectations are a minimum and yet not fulfilled that there is the greatest disappointment.

Actions speak louder than words, or so the saying goes. Sometimes, inaction speaks volumes too.

So where do things stand? The answers don't lie with me. So I'm back to where I started from anyway, slave to the whims and fancies of others - sitting on my hands, staring blankly into space, with no control over what happens.

I've given it my all, done everything I could. Sometimes that simply isn't enough. If there was more that could have been done, someone tell me what that was, for I don't see it.

Here and now

Fatigued. Mentally, physically, emotionally fatigued. This semester has felt a lot longer than it really is, although curiously enough, my schedule is actually somewhat lighter in terms of class hours. The classes are harder, and require a lot more work, so that probably more than makes up for it.

I long to take to the field again for that fleeting escape from everything. To be among friends, to have meaningless banter, to have fun, win or lose. To feel the scorching sun on my back, to get home exhausted and raw, but thoroughly satisfied.

Unfortunately, exams beckon. 16 more days before the start of exams, and then, after 11 days, it will all be over.

But who am I kidding? There is precious little to look forward to after that. However, now is not the time for self-reflection.

Time to focus on the here and now.

Not if, but when

It's not a question of if, but when.

At the beginning of every semester, I wonder to myself when the hours spent on classes, the endless assignments and midterms will get to me. When the 10 or so hours spent in the library on the weekends will finally make me stop to re-evaluate and ask myself, yet again, how much I really want to be doing this.

I wonder how soon I reach the critical breaking point. Just like during the 72-kilometer route march that I had to do while serving in the Armed Forces. The point where you're so exhausted your brain is telling you that you should probably stop. If you do stop, you probably won't get to the finish. And if you don't, more often than not, you make it. To be absolutely honest, McGill's semester isn't all that different from that route march.

It happens every semester.

Coming back from school everyday at 6 (or later), knowing that I can only allow myself a short break after dinner before I have to get down to work is tiring. Waking up in the mornings with my brain still tired, and obviously not sufficiently rested from the previous day's work makes me think that I sleep only so that the night will pass by more quickly.

So eventually the questions start coming.

Why am I doing this? Is it really what I want to do? If, like everyone says, it is only going to get worse when I graduate, do I really still want to be doing this? Do I really enjoy what I'm doing? What did I get myself into? Is there something else I'd rather be doing?

And the truth is, I have no concrete answers to any of these questions.

Then, the pragmatic Singaporean in me speaks up: It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you don't like what you are doing, if you want to be doing something else. This IS what you want to be doing because it earns you a living. Who cares about personal satisfaction?

Of course, I will remind myself that it DOES matter to me. And upon reflection, I always point out to myself that electrical engineering is something that interests me, that I am really enjoying my classes, and that I am not studying it just because it is going to earn me a living.

So I have this whole debate with myself again, and I have to admit that there is a bit of all of the above motivations that is driving me. I am undeniably, a product of the Singapore system.

At the end of the day, the issue of what my real motivations are is never really resolved. I don't think it ever will be; but re-evaluating is probably not a bad thing because it tends to give perspective.

And perspective is needed now, because this is the first breaking point this semester.

10 hours spent in the library over the weekend, an assignment that was due Monday, a lab report due Wednesday, and midterms on Wednesday and Friday. Oh, and of course the small matter of having to go to classes until 5 or 6 Monday to Thursday. Yesterday was midterm 1. Class from 10:30 am to 5:30 pm, no breaks in between, and then the mid-term from 6:30 to 9. By the time I get home I am so utterly exhausted I cannot think straight.

I wake up this morning and I know I really should just take a break, but I can't, because there is another midterm on Friday for which I have to study for. There's just one more day to go, before the weekend brings temporary and very fleeting respite, for there is another midterm next Friday. After that, Reading Week beckons, and then the cycle repeats itself.

It's just down to plugging away and blocking the tiredness out. After this week, I'll probably feel a lot better. Looking out at Montreal at night, it helps to feel small and insignificant.

Because if I am small and insignificant, then my problems probably are too.

Marseilles/Paris photos

Marseilles and Paris photos are now up. Not too many photos of either place. Marseilles was very idyllic part of the holiday, since we didn't do much. We just spent the days lazing around, and it was very relaxing. Paris was much nicer by night because it was cloudy during the day while we were there, and out night pictures didn't turn out all too well. The better ones have been included.

They're all available here.

Also have upgraded to the new Google blogger. Don't think there should be too many changes if at all, and I don't plan any major changes during the semester, but I might be playing around with this in summer, if I feel inspired.

Barcelona/Girona photos are up

Photos of Barcelona and Girona are up. Marseilles and Paris photos still to come.

Places of interest in Barcelona apart from the main street, Las Ramblas, were Park Guell and Sagrada Familia. Casa Batllo looked really pretty from the outside, but 16 euros was too steep for either of us, so we decided not to go inside. All 3 places are work of Gaudi. Wikipedia links provided for the curious. There are some pictures on the Wikipedia pages too.

Girona was a lot quieter and less pretty/interesting. Supposedly the place from which Kaballah started its spread in the western world. Or at least that's what one of the locals told us.

To see the photos, click on the "Flickr photos" link below my zeitgeist and look for the set titled "travels".