"You can start packing your bags"

Just got back from camp not too long ago, after doing guard duty on Thursday. We were supposed to have a stock take today to find out how much equipment we had lost as a company, and for the second time in a week, it didn't take place. But, this post isn't going to be one where I complain about the SAF. There'll be plenty more time for that, I'm sure. There's less than a month to the 21st of March, but I'm pretty sure that some incident will crop up that will make me want to bitch about being a conscript in the Army in that time.

By now, most of my family and friends would be aware that my parents' application for permanent residence in Canada has been approved, and they've received immigration visas for the family. This means that I will be going abroad to pursue my university education because as a PR, fees in Canada are only slightly more expensive than fees in Singapore. My dad was really glad that the application had finally been approved after almost 2 years of waiting in anticipation. He wanted this pretty bad as he believes that life is less stressful and there are better opportunities for his kids in Canada.

I personally believe that that might not necessarily be true. If I haven't even attempted doing anything here, how am I supposed know for sure that opportunities here are limited? But that might be idealism(whatever little I have left of it) of youth speaking. My dad says to take it from him, and that my siblings and I might not see or experience what he is feeling now, that the government has influence in numerous areas of life in Singapore, and that this influence is not always welcome. I guess he could be right, but stubborn as I am, I'd like to experience it first-hand for myself rather than just accepting what he says. We've talked about this before, and my dad has always said that since I want to study overseas, I should make my decision on whether I'd like to migrate after I've completed my university studies there as I would have lived in Canada for 4 years by then.

The problem is, what I am supposed to compare my time in Canada against? While studying and serving my National Service in Singapore all these years, I've never given much thought to the future, especially what I'd like to do after university. Now, however, I am trying to figure out what I'd like to do with my life. I'll be trying to look for opportunities in Canada that I've not tried looking for back here in Singapore. How am I supposed to know if the opportunities that Canada will offer me in the future aren't offered to me here in Singapore? And isn't it a bit of a waste to leave the country that I've been "paying back" for the past 2 years or so without even giving it a shot here?

Some of the questions I've been asking myself are borne out of anxiety, because I'll be leaving a country which I'm familiar with for one which I hardly know anything about. Sure, I've been on holiday in Canada, and I loved it, but living there the rest of my life is another matter altogether. Then again, maybe I'm jumping the gun, and thinking too far ahead, because like my dad said, even he's not sure he'll like it there, and if things don't work out, he might end up returning to Singapore. He's also made it clear to me that after I finish my university education, the decision on whether to stay on in Canada and become a citizen is entirely mine, regardless of whether or not my parents become citizens themsleves.

Despite all this, I'll acknowledge that I've always wanted to study overseas, and this is a great opportunity to do so. With 3 other siblings, my parents can't afford to send me overseas, and with grades that aren't quite good enough, getting a scholarship would be a long shot. So for now at least, I'll be pushing my doubts aside, and I'll be glad that sometimes, wishes do come true.