Introspection

Nothing like 2 conversations with 2 good friends over 2 days to get you into a contemplative mood, and to destroy your motivation to study for the test tomorrow.

It has been a week of relection, somehow most of the conversations I've had the past week have been about lessons learnt and perspectives gained in life; about how life is, and how we'd like it to be. Kind of like a review on the first principles of life, the universe and everything.

X says:

thought that in uni and all that i won't meet this kinda characters... uni was pretty pleasant until he came along!

X says:

*yawn*

tim says:

it takes all sorts lah

tim says:

no such thing as " i thought i wouldn't meet this kind of people"

tim says:

there will always be this kind of people

X says:

true...

X says:

reality bites...

tim says:

yeah

tim says:

tell me abt it

tim says:

over here also got the kanjeong spider, everything also must write down types

X says:

how's your day?

X says:

serious ar!

tim says:

haha

tim says:

yes

X says:

wow...

tim says:

my day was ok though

X says:

thought they were pretty slack about studying

tim says:

not in mcgill at least

tim says:

it actually feels a bit like jc to be honest

tim says:

it's just that i've learn how to not let it bother me

X says:

same here

X says:

everyone's very very competitive here

X says:

a bit unpleasant sometimes, but i'm just happy cos i know what i want out of this whole uni thing..

tim says:

yeah

tim says:

it's the same everywhere lah

X says:

except for today cos of the project =) heh..

tim says:

but as u said, u need to know what u want out of the whole uni thing

X says:

gonna sleep it off, and tm's a brand new day =)

tim says:

yeah

X says:

i think it's something that's important to learn...

tim says:

true

tim says:

very true

X says:

if not you'll just be irritated, obsessively competitive and discontented your whole life

tim says:

the grades are important, but u reakky should be focusing on developing your thinking and stuff like that

tim says:

really i mean

X says:

yeah... how old are your classmates there?

tim says:

anywhere between 17-20\

tim says:

most are 18-19

X says:

that's quite young...

tim says:

yes

X says:

mature?

tim says:

not as mature as me

tim says:

haha

tim says:

that sounds damn arrogant

tim says:

but, aiyah, different background, different age, different experiences, so not too surprising lah

tim says:

some more we have to do NS

tim says:

at least not everyone is like that though

tim says:

there's this mexican guy i know, only 19, but he's pretty mature

X says:

true...i think NS was a good thing

tim says:

yes

X says:

Now, being thrown back into the company of 19 yr old girls can be quite disconcerting...

tim says:

haha

tim says:

actually NS can be a good or a bad thing lah

X says:

bordering on mildly disturbing even...

tim says:

depends on the persono

X says:

that's true too

tim says:

like i realise that i draw a lot of lessons from my NS, but i also realise that not everyone does

X says:

yup... that's cos you went into it with a good attitude

X says:

making the best out of a bad situation at least

tim says:

no so much a god attitude, but yeah

tim says:

the most out of a bad situation thing is right

X says:

as opposed to just passing time... its good

tim says:

yah, but to benefit from NS u had want to make the most out of it lah

X says:

not many do though...

X says:

anyway...i'm finally done!!!! =)))

tim says:

that's also true

tim says:

haha

tim says:

good lor

X says:

would u do it all over again if you had the chance?

X says:

NS, i mean

tim says:

if i had the chance or if i had the choice?

tim says:

different leh

tim says:

knowing what i got out of it, and looking at where i am now, i would say yes, i would want to do it again

tim says:

but if i didn't know how i'd turn out, i wouldn't be so sure

tim says:

it wasn't something that i wanted to do

X says:

yup...

X says:

learnt a lot of lesson and grown up quite a bit...

X says:

but most of them through painful experiences...

tim says:

true

X says:

anyway, i better go sleep... 8am class'll be a killer

tim says:

that's why i wouldn't be so sure, but, then again, sometimes u need to have painful experiences to learn things

X says:

yup...

tim says:

i think at the end of the day i'm just glad that i turned out better for it lah

X says:

yup...me too

tim says:

nevermind whether i enjoyed it or not, or whether i wanted to do it, or whether i would do it again if i was given the chance

X says:

i know you'll make the right choices!

tim says:

hahaha

X says:

and if you don't..well

tim says:

but what is the right choice?

X says:

life goes on =)

tim says:

is there ever such a thing as a right choice?

tim says:

i don't really agree with the concept of right and wrong choices

X says:

really?

X says:

maybe not for everything lar...

tim says:

we make choices

tim says:

and when u look back on them, ur judgement on whether they were right or wrong depends on what u made of your choice

tim says:

so logically, if make the most out of your choices, they will always be the "right" choice

tim says:

and u never know what would have happened if u chose to do something else.

tim says:

it might have been better, but it just as well could have been worse

X says:

hmmm....

X says:

that's an interesting way to look at it...

X says:

=)

The majority of my conversations this week went along lines like these, and to be honest, I do miss conversations like these that I used to have late into the night. A bit of introspection does us good once in a while.

The harsh reality of life, however, reminds me that I have a test to prepare for, so it's back to the books now.

A little out of focus please

Sometimes we get so caught up in the here and now that we forget how we even got here in the first place. Focus gives one a good sense of direction, but just like in pictures, it tends to make you neglect what is right behind the object - the background to everything.

Lately I think have been too caught up in everything. A weekend spent doing mostly nothing has made that clear to me. I did little, and yet I enjoyed myself thoroughly. A walk up to Mount Royal last night helped a great deal too.

It is only the 3rd week of school, and I am already obsessing over recommended deadlines, and not mandatory ones. This despite the fact that the recommended deadlines can't really be met because our lecturer is going slowly. I am worried about entering my answers online, just because I "only" have 4 tries a question, and what if I can't get the answer right?

My friends over here have all remarked at how hard I work now, compared to when I was in JC, where I basically did no homework whatsoever in my first year, and I usually tell them about how I've become more responsible and mature now.

Have I really? Is it mature to worry about getting the answers right, when you should really be concerned about how you actually arrived at one? It's not the grades that matter, but the learning that goes on that does. In sharpening my focus, I have neglected that.

It doesn't matter if you get less than 100% on tests and assignments, what is important is that you learn, and that you'll be willing to try again the next time tests and assignments come along. Being a kan cheong spider is taxing and unproductive, and it saps you of your energy. That was why told myself that I wouldn't be one, and why I should remind myself that I don't want to become one.

A friend told me that in JC, unlike others around me, I seemed to have a big picture view on things, and that that was a good thing. I think it is, and so it is time to re-learn the lessons, concepts and principles that I tried to tell others about.

I'd rather see the world a little out of focus, with things blurry in places. It might not be as sharp, but at least I get to see everything. Better that than seeing a couple of things clearly, and missing out on everything and everyone else that is acutally right there, just behind the objects that hold our attention.

I so should not be writing this at this hour now, but what the heck - having already wasted an entire weekend, what's a couple more hours right? I'll still try to keep this one short though - I need sleep for tomorrow.

Went to catch Russel Peters on Saturday, at the Place-des-Arts, and he was really quite funny. Having seen his clips before, I wasn't sure I was going to enjoy watching him as I thought he was ok-funny, but not really all that great. It turns out he is actually really quite funny. His show lasted somewhere around an hour, and he was really warmed up towards the middle of it, when he was hitting all the right notes with the audience. He struggled a little towards the last 10 minutes, but when he came back for his encore, he was pretty funny again. All in all, it was worth the ticket price, and my friends and I left with aching jaws.

The words are starting to fail me, and the brain is no longer active, so this is the end for now.

What are we to do?

How did we end up here, in a country thousands of kilometres away from home, 2 and a half years after saying our good byes? Did we even expect to see each other that often after that? And how come we have so much fun together now, even while doing simple, everyday things?

It's nice to have good company here, people who already understand you, just because it makes you feel more comfortable in unfamiliar surroundings, and also because good company doesn't come by easily.

Our time here is limited, and therefore we treasure it, and yet, it is not in our long term interests to do so, for there are forks in the road ahead, and the paths that we have to take are not going to be the same. So what are we to do while we are on this common path?

Wordless

I actually really like Montreal. There is a vibrancy and buzz about the place, people are friendly and very helpful, and well, I just feel happy being in it. It might be because I'm still new to the place, and the weather's been nice and warm (relatively speaking), and also because school is still only just starting. Or it might be that both my Singaporean friends are here now, so I always have people to hang out with. I've made a couple of friends, but it takes time for friendships to develop, and for people to get a feel for each other, so it helps that I have established friends here.

Being in Montreal and talking to people here has also made me realise that I can't really identify all that many things that I like about Singapore. There's my family and friends, and of course, food that is cheap and good, but that's about it. In Montreal, there are places to visit and things to do - parks to have picnics in, Old Montreal (which is really nice), film festivals to attend, museums to visit, and concerts to catch. Not that you can't do these things in Singapore, but somehow, there's just a good vibe about the place.

Maybe it's just the novelty of the place, I honestly do not know, but it feels really nice to be here. It's not as if things have been completely smooth sailing, but the place just feels... well, really nice.

There's just a good feel to the place, and for now at least, I really like the city.

Sometimes, the less said, the better. I'm really struggling to put down what I feel into words, and I have no idea why, so maybe I should just stop here.

Go away

When a lecturer/tutor says that you should feel free to ask any questions, any questions at all, and he'll answer them, it's to tell you not to be afraid of clearing up your doubts. So, by all means, ask the question, even if it might sound stupid.

It is NOT however, the cue for you to:

• ask questions that you already know the answer to, just so that your prescence will be acknowledged
• ask questions that you already know the answer to, just to show that you've read ahead of the class
• ask questions about material that hasn't been covered in class, just to show that you know more than you're supposed to

He asked for questions on stuff that he covered IN class, not questions about stuff that he's only going to cover in 2 weeks time.

So if you understand everything, fine and good. Shut up. Help others who have difficulty. Or just drop the class. I'm not interested in how you think this class is so easy it's a joke, or about how you already covered all this in your high school or at the A levels/French Bac/IB or what not. Keep it to yourself.

Green Day

Went to catch Green Day's concert at Parc Jean Drapeau yesterday, and it was fantastic. They're really good live performers and can really play to the crowd. And Billie Joe, the band's frontman, invited 2 fans on stage to play the drums, the bass and the guitar; and at the end of it all, he let the guitarist keep his guitar! Being suah koo, law-abiding Singaporeans, me and my friend obeyed the no cameras allowed rule when actually they didn't check and lots of people brought their cameras along. So sorry, but got no photos to show. But anyway, the concert was a blast, and absolutely worth the C$53 that I paid for it. U2's coming down soon too, don't know how much that will cost, and don't even think we can get tickets, so probably not going to be able to catch them.

Anyway, my Singaporean friends have arrived, so at least I have some company now. Spent most of the weekend with one of them. I'm well aware of the need for me to meet new people and all that, but she's had a real torrid time getting here, so I've just been trying to help wherever I can.

School starts again tomorrow, I have some thoughts formulating at the back of my mind, but will leave the posting till they've become clearer.

Starting school

The 2nd day of school is over for me, and I've got a long weekend as its labour day on Monday. Have gone for lectures for all of the classes that I'll be taking this term, so I've kind of got a taste of what is to come. My lecturers all seem ok, and some have even decided to spend the entire first lecture going through course outlines, expectations and the lot. One advantage of having gone to JC is that I've been through the lecture-tutorial system before, so I have a rough idea of how things work. Those fresh out of high school are encountering this system for the first time, and they're unfamiliar with how it all works.

Anyway, I've only had one lecture each for my geography, physics and 2 maths courses, but the homework has already been set for them. After having gone through most of JC 1 without doing much work, I wasn't too keen on falling behind and having to play catch-up all over again, so I decided to be conscientious and have a look at all my assignments, and attempt those questions which I could complete. Ok, so I decided to be a kiasu Singaporean nerd/mugger. But catch-up is not a fun game to play, really. In JC 2 I slogged like hell, and I don't want to have to do it again. At least not right at the beginning of university.

So I go online to get a hold of my physics assignment, and find out that I need the textbook to complete it. I haven't bought the textbook yet, because I was waiting for the used book sale, which takes place next week. So I can either wait for the sale before attempting my work, or I can get the book new and pay $138.95 before tax for it. I decide to take a look at my other assignments first.

The lecturer for my MATH133 class already handed out 2 printed assignments, so I decide to take a look at those. Then I realise I have absolutely no clue what the questions are talking about. The prof didn't go through much in the first lecture, just a demonstration of how to use matrices, so I either need to get the textbook and read ahead, or I can wait till it's covered in the lectures. So, nevermind, I still got 1 more maths class, I decide to clear that one first. So I go online, log in to the website and try to get my homework. But it seems my prof has put in another authorisation page. And my ID and PIN don't seem to be able to get me in. So no-go there too. E-mail the prof asking for help, and then look at my last remaining option, geography. But the geography assignment hasn't been handed out yet, and the prof only gave us an outline of what needed to be done for it, so I'm stuck with no work that can be done.

This is so not helping me in my bid to be a conscientious student. Ah well, heading out now to get some textbooks so I can get started on some work. I know, I am such a guai kia, but no choice, parents spent too much sending me here, even though I'm paying PR fees, so must make the most of it. NS has made me a lot more aware of the responsibilty on my shoulders.