Sometimes we get so caught up in the here and now that we forget how we even got here in the first place. Focus gives one a good sense of direction, but just like in pictures, it tends to make you neglect what is right behind the object - the background to everything.
Lately I think have been too caught up in everything. A weekend spent doing mostly nothing has made that clear to me. I did little, and yet I enjoyed myself thoroughly. A walk up to Mount Royal last night helped a great deal too.
It is only the 3rd week of school, and I am already obsessing over recommended deadlines, and not mandatory ones. This despite the fact that the recommended deadlines can't really be met because our lecturer is going slowly. I am worried about entering my answers online, just because I "only" have 4 tries a question, and what if I can't get the answer right?
My friends over here have all remarked at how hard I work now, compared to when I was in JC, where I basically did no homework whatsoever in my first year, and I usually tell them about how I've become more responsible and mature now.
Have I really? Is it mature to worry about getting the answers right, when you should really be concerned about how you actually arrived at one? It's not the grades that matter, but the learning that goes on that does. In sharpening my focus, I have neglected that.
It doesn't matter if you get less than 100% on tests and assignments, what is important is that you learn, and that you'll be willing to try again the next time tests and assignments come along. Being a kan cheong spider is taxing and unproductive, and it saps you of your energy. That was why told myself that I wouldn't be one, and why I should remind myself that I don't want to become one.
A friend told me that in JC, unlike others around me, I seemed to have a big picture view on things, and that that was a good thing. I think it is, and so it is time to re-learn the lessons, concepts and principles that I tried to tell others about.
I'd rather see the world a little out of focus, with things blurry in places. It might not be as sharp, but at least I get to see everything. Better that than seeing a couple of things clearly, and missing out on everything and everyone else that is acutally right there, just behind the objects that hold our attention.
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3 comments:
hmm...
i don't think i worked harder than i did in uni than in college, but i guess i worked smarter. i knew what was expected out of me (the whole "cannot let your parents down, they're paying so much for you to study overseas")...and so i gave it my all. plus, doing assignments that were fun and interesting helped push the desire to excel lah. (you can take the kiasu singaporean out of the country, but you cannot take the kiasu-ness out of the singaporean)
but yeah...the learning journey is waayy more interesting than the arrival, even though at times you just want to throw the towel in from sheer frustration at how things aren't going as they should.
so hang in there, enjoy the ride...and watch out for that first step! it's a doozy! hehehe... ;)
hey hey...
I totally get what you mean. It's so easy to get caught up in the vicious cycle of life and lose it all. Although I have to admit that uni demands much more than what I have been doing the past years in school... I hope you enjoy it though!
aww you see lah.. when you talk about things like that... okok i'll say it.. I miss you too.;)
Hahahah..
love
cinderella.
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